How Nice Guys, Shy Guys and Good Guys Finish First When It Comes To Women and Relationships!
There’s a misconception that nice, shy and good guys finish last! I’m here to tell you it is far from the truth. While a lot of nice guys experience a life of being overlooked by the women they desire (which is usually because of their shyness), it’s just a phase they go through to appreciate themselves better. Generally, that phase occurs between the ages of twelve through thirty. It can, and sometimes does, last longer.
Over the next few minutes, I will explain to you in detail why nice guys do not finish last anymore and in the foreseeable future! It’s not as complicated as you think. Actually, it’s so simple if you are a nice, shy or good guy it will give you hope that things will work out for you in the woman department.
However, there are three requirements that will assure you are at the head of the line when women begin to pick their life partner. The requirements, while considered small things, are very, very, very important. Want to know what they are? Keep reading!
There’s a trend in the United States, and around the world, that’s been ongoing for at least two decades. There are more girls being born than boys. That means there are more women than there are men. This may not be important to you right now but it plays a huge role as to why nice guys finish first and not last!
It is usually around thirty years of age that women begin to contemplate their future regarding marriage, kids and settling down. Unfortunately, at that stage in life many men are either in jail, on or abusing drugs, gay/homosexual, dead or lazy as hell. That leaves women with a small selection of men. And that is a best-case scenario!
This plays into the hands of the nice, shy and good guys! When women are left with such limited options they either:
1. Reconsider their semi-false criteria for men, or
2. Give up on finding a man
As a nice guy, there will be hundreds of beautiful, sexy and intelligent women that will consider talking with you if you possess most of the qualities they need. Don’t think you can get any woman you desire without having your house in order. No sane woman wants a man with more problems and issues than she has.
The question is, “What is it women need?” Unfortunately, many women don’t know what they need or want. Yet, you can be around when they figure it out.
You do this by meeting the first requirement–become their friend. Now, I know what you’re thinking, “I’ve been in that position before and the women always went out with someone else.” Yes, that may have happened in the past. But today is a new day! The women are older; their biological clock is ticking, they’re looking to settle down and the quality of men is dwindling.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying women are desparate. Many of them just want to be happy with a man who will love them, is responsible, assist with the household chores, bring home the bacon and don’t mind frying it in the pan too! Basically, women want a partner to share their life with who is on the same page as them.
As their friend, you get to learn more about them, what they like, dislike and discover how compatible you are with them. And the beautiful part is you are free to be friends with as many women as you desire. Therefore, you get a larger selection of women and can decide who closely match your lifestyle and can meet your needs.
The key is to be sincere in your efforts to get to know the women you are interested in. Your purpose should be to determine the best woman for you and then focus your attention on that one woman.
If you use the guise of friends as a way to manipulate and get women to sleep with you it will backfire. It may not happen today but trust me something will go wrong. Whatever you do it’s not a good idea to lead women on. “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorn.” Don’t ever forget that.
Now here’s the fun part! As you get to know the women and they get to know you a few of them will begin to stand out from the crowd. Yet, there isn’t a rush to pick one until you are sure of what you want and need. Have fun, go out, experience new things and enjoy your time with the women!
It is also a good idea to be very honest with the women. Let each one know you have other friends as well. Don’t hide anything! Give each woman the option to continue to talk with you or not if they don’t like the idea of you having women friends.
This works in your favor and provides you with three benefits!
First, the women who continue to talk with you will appreciate your honesty, as it’s something they rarely get from men.
Second, the women who don’t stay save you from wasting your time and probably wouldn’t be a good match for you.
Third, if you are sincere in getting to know the women and do not sleep with them, it shows they can trust you to be around other women and not have sex. I cannot stress the importance of this benefit.
Remember, there is a shortage of men in the United States and around the world. So, if the woman you pick knows she can trust you it’s a plus and will go a long way in eliminating many issues that could have popped up in the future.
For example, I have a friend who knew I was interested in her. Yet, nothing happened between us for over a year. When I ended a relationship with my lady it opened the door for the possibility of my friend and I to spend time with each other and have fun!
My being honest, upfront and not making a move on her when I had a lady gained her respect and trust. If the friendship develops into more, she knows I would not do anything to jeopardize our relationship.
Being friends, honest and trustworthy is only one part of the puzzle. The second part is just as important. You need to have goals and strive to achieve them.
If you were a woman, would you want a man who isn’t doing anything with his life? Absolutely not! Then why is it the biggest mistake men make is thinking women will deal with the bull and settle for an unmotivated man who is not improving himself?
I don’t care what you think but having great sex will not keep a woman satisfied for long. Trust me when I tell you there must be more than hours of passionate lovemaking. Otherwise, you will be in big trouble with the ladies!
Remember, around thirty years of age many women desire to settle down, have kids, get married and hopefully live their dreams. A woman cannot see the dreams coming true with a nice guy who treats her good, sex her good but doesn’t make enough money to support a family. A woman knows stress and problems will definitely follow if she allows herself to get involved with such a man.
I’m not saying a woman’s focus is on money. Yet, she doesn’t want to have a partner only to suffer together when she could suffer alone. So, in theory, a woman believes when she settles down with a man that the combined income should make things a little easier than if she was with herself. You can split the pain and bills with a woman but have double the pleasure and fun! That’s the bottom line!
You don’t have to make a lot of money but it would be nice. You don’t have to have thousands in the bank but it would be nice. You don’t have to afford a house but it would be nice. You don’t have to have a goal to be wealthy and rich but it would be nice. Just make sure you can meet her needs, make her life a little easier and she will truly appreciate you.
As a nice guy, you should have achieved most of your goals and have a decent income. While the women were discarding you and going for the guys they thought were fun you should have been busy pursuing and achieving your goals. If not, you wasted a golden opportunity to stand out from the crowd later on in life!
It should be noted that when women overlook a nice guy it’s usually because he is, or looks, boring and just doesn’t appeal to them. It’s not a reflection on you as a person as much as women wanting to have fun and enjoy themselves.
Just because you are a nice guy is not the reason why women don’t want you. That is ridiculous! If I have to be honest here, I would say you are plain and predictable. There are thousands of nice guys who date beautiful women that are fun and unpredictable.
I’m not saying you can’t be predictable. Just change up and get a little daring at times. Live on the edge sometimes. Do things that are out of the ordinary for you that won’t be too irresponsbile. Just have fun!
So, take an honest look at yourself and determine if you present the image you desire to get the women you want.
Let me give you an example. My friend revealed to me she couldn’t stand a man who doesn’t have a backbone. She was always taking advantage of, and walking all over, men. She wants a man to be “manly” and take control sometimes.
Fortunately for her, I am just what the doctor ordered and she has met her match. She laughed when I told her that but said, “I hope so because I need a man who will stand up to me. I’m tired of getting my way. It’s not fun!”
Do yourself a favor if you don’t have a backbone get one quick. Being nice, shy and a good man doesn’t mean you should give in to the wants and desires of the women you like or love. Please stand for something. If a woman leaves you for standing up for what you believe in then she wasn’t for you anyway.
As a nice guy, by the time you reach thirty you should be living comfortable. And you will begin to look like a good catch. You will have the “stability” and “security” factors a lot of women look for when selecting a mate.
However, that doesn’t mean women will want you. You must have your act together, not have any emotional or psychological issues and hidden agendas. A woman does not want to assume your problems when you could have dealt with them on your own before you met her.
Oh yeah, you’re probably wondering, “What happens to the guys who got all the women when I couldn’t get any?” Well, nothing happens to them. They will still be there. However, the women will wake up and realize that having a long-lasting relationship with them just won’t work. Especially if the men didn’t grow and mature. Most of them were players, cheaters, superficial, self-centered and can’t be with one woman.
Believe it or not many of them will be nice guys who converted to the “Bad Boy” in hopes of getting more women! The sad part is while they may have gotten more women they cannot keep them.
Once the women see you and realize that being a nice guy, shy guy or good guy is not bad after all you begin to look dam good and sexy too! Of course be careful because you need to identify what they want and need from you. And that’s where being their friend comes into play!
The average man often overlooks the final piece. Yet, as a nice, shy or good guy it is something you should be able to do with your eyes closed. Women want a partner who can hold a conversation on any topic and not always talk about sex and sports.
If you don’t already know, many women are emotional and express it by conversing. You won’t believe the number of women who are starving for stimulating conversation. It’s an epidemic that’s growing with the lack of quality men.
Male escorts make thousands of dollars by taking women to dinner, a company function and holding a decent conversation. If you don’t believe me ask a male escort, “What do women want from men?” His answer will blow you away! That’s how simple it will be!
Don’t get me wrong they do sleep with women. But the majority of women just want company and companionship.
Believe it or not men who can be friends with women, have goals, strive to achieve them, show progress and can hold a decent conversation is a turn on for a lot of women.
However, when you decide whom you want to be with don’t stop being her friend. Don’t stop communicating. Don’t stop doing the things that brought you two together.
If you decide to apply what you have just read knowing you are a no good man and only interested in having sex with as many women as possible, it will backfire on you. One or all of your women friends may physically hurt you!
My View of Things
My best friend and I believe women should be happy to have men like us in their lives. When we tell people this it comes across as if we are conceited. Yet, that is far from the truth.
We understand there is a limited quantity of quality men available to women. Since we pride ourselves on being real men we understand what we have to offer. In comparison to other men we are in the minority and in demand.
We don’t go around meeting women just for the sake of it. To be honest, both of us are not involved in a relationship with anyone right now, have friends and focusing on achieving our personal and professional goals.
What we find funny is many women tend to write us off as “not being their type.” Which is cool with us because we know we can’t please everyone. We know it will always be the woman’s loss if they don’t talk to us.
Here’s our thinking:
It is easier for us (men) to meet women who meet our needs than it is for a woman to meet a man who can meet her needs. Knowing this allows us to relax, take our time and be very selective with whom we decide to share our limited time with.
Therefore, we see ourselves as the prize simply because we know there is a demand for quality men who are responsible, motivated, goal-and family-oriented and so much more!
Here’s the bottom line! If you know yourself and know what you bring to the table you can become more confident when talking with women (not arrogant). Only men who don’t know themselves and lack confidence worry about what women will think of them. Those with confidence truly don’t care what women think of them.
This confidence, while a turn off for many women, will also attract women to you. Just make sure you can back up what you say. Otherwise, you will be in trouble.
Implementing The Concepts
After completing the report, I realized there may be a few guys who have have problems approaching women. Therefore, they may not have the opportunity to apply the concepts. The only approach I know is the one that has worked for me 9 out of 10 times for over fifteen years.
At first, I was very hesitant about revealing my methods. I’ve only told them to my son and best friend. However, since I’m no longer partaking in the dating scene, it’s only fair that I provide you with a few insider tips.
You should be warned it’s a very simple, easy-to-implement method that really works. If you choose to ignore it that’s on you.
How To Approach Women
The very first thing you need to do is identify the woman you desire to talk too. You must be able to observe her for at least five minutes before approaching her. This is going to assist you to figure out what you should talk about.
Let me explain. If you’re interested in someone at work you’ll know the guys that attempt to talk to her. The same is true if you go out to a bar, club, movies, etc.
Your goal is to notice her reaction to the type of men that approach her. Pay particular attention to her body language. That’s very important. She will subconsciously tell you the men she’s interested in or not.
For example, if a woman is talking to a man she’s not interested in she:
– May not smile a lot
– Tend to look around
– Doesn’t make eye contact
– Positions her body in a way to end the conversation
– Just walks away
– Shake her head side-to-side
– Puts her hand on her hip, etc.
Please do not stare at the woman. I said observe, which means make eye contact briefly, smile and go on about your business for the next five minutes while taking a peek at her when she’s not looking.
What you will find is the most beautiful women in any environment tend to attract the idiots. Want to know why? The idiots don’t care what the women think about them. They want her and will do whatever it takes to get her.
Unfortunately, their approach is all wrong but I always give them an “A” for effort since few, if any, of the shy, nice or good guys take the chance.
Don’t Be Desparate
The worse thing you could do is look like a man who needs a woman. You will be lonely for a very long time. Don’t ever beg a woman to talk with you. Don’t ever follow a woman around. Don’t be sneaky, get her phone number and call her when she didn’t give you the number.
The best way to get a woman is to appear to be in control of your life and not need one. Now this is a deadly double-edge sword here.
If you appear to be someone you’re not and can’t live up to the expectations you set, the woman will tell you in a few weeks, “You’ve changed.” Which leads into additional probles you could have avoided. So, it’s important to be you just not so darn desparate looking.
Let me give you an example. If you see a woman you like, approach her and hold a conversation, do not exaggerate anything related to your life, don’t say things that are not true. Don’t mentioned any plans that you know may not come true. In other words, just be honest about yourself without sounding like a lonely guy.
In my case, I would say, “I spend a lot of time on the computer running my online businesses and a single parent raising my two children. So, that leaves me little time to go out with women. Plus, I don’t like to splurge too much as I invest my money in my children and businesses.”
What did you noticed about my comment? It doesn’t sound boring. Most shy, nice or good guys would have said, “I spend most of my time alone, surfing the net, meeting people, playing games, creating web sites, et.” That sounds like a person with social problems. It doesn’t matter if you like doing that stuff it won’t sound like fun to the woman.
So, be careful how you present yourself to women. Especially, if she’s a beautiful one.
What To Say
Has this ever happened to you? You see a woman you like, stare at her, but don’t say anything for a while. Then one day, probably after a few weeks for months, you make your move. Unfortunately, she turns you down and you feel bad.
I’m not sure how to tell you this but you screwed up! By staring or checking her out too long, you gave her the impression that you weren’t assertive and you lacked confidence.
How does she come to this conclusion? Other men have approached her within a few seconds of seeing her. Although, she may not like them she does love the attention.
I just gave you a key element in talking with women….they love attention. But they don’t want it from everyone. So, your initial approach should be simple and unique.
Depending on the situation and the women, I may say something like following that will lead into a conversation:
– I like that outfit you’re wearing. The color goes well with your complexion and smile (you better be sincere).
– Are you always rushing? When do you make time to relax?
– That hairstyle really looks good on you. You should keep your hair like that!
Very simple wasn’t it. Nothing fancy. And that’s the problem with most shy, nice and good guys…we make things too hard when it shouldn’t be.
How To Keep The Conversation Interesting
Never, ever talk about yourself unless the woman asks you a question. It’s a big turn-off and you will come across as being self-centered. Your goal is to keep the conversation flowing.
They way you do that is by understanding what women want. Think about this…if you worked all day (week), didn’t have time for yourself, had to take care of the children and house, how would you feel? Tired right?
Therefore, when a woman goes out she’s looking to have “fun.” She wants to escape from the real world for a little while. The way you help her is by talking about anything except sex, work and yourself.
Here’s the one line I’ve used that never failed me. And I do mean never! “You look so happy and relaxed. You must have recently come back from an exotic vacation.”
That question always got women to talk about them, their life, where they would love to go, and so on.
While she’s talking you must pay attention because she will give you the next topic to talk about without even knowing it. And this could continue all night long. She will defnitely enjoy your company because you will be talking about the things that interest her (it would also help if they interest you as well). See how simple that was?
One more thing. Since women are out to have a nice time they don’t want to be bothered with a man who has an attitude and is always attempting to get in their pants.
Don’t get me wrong. There are some women who only want one thing from you! However, most women want the total package or as close to it as they can get.
What To Do When The Date Ends
This is probably the most intense moment of the night or date. What do you do? Do you kiss her? Do you hug her? Do you shake her hand? The answer is simple. What did her body tell you?
You read that correctly! Did she touch you while laughing? Did she briefly tap your leg while talking? Was she within your personal space for more than 15-minutes? Did she give you verbal hints? All of these things and more you must be aware of.
Let’s say for argument sake, you wasn’t paying attention but you think she’s interested. The way you find out is to put your hands on her waist and gently pull her into you.
Don’t kiss her. Just hold her close and tell her how much you enjoyed her company. If she doesn’t resist or pull away there’s a 90% chance you can kiss her with no problems.
If she doesn’t allow you to pull her into you then keep your hands on her waist and say, “When are we going out again? I really had a nice time with you?” Regardless of the answer, give her a nice big hug, which can lead into a kiss.
Your goal at the end of the night is to be a gentleman and get the second date. Now, if the woman asks you to come home with her for a night cap that’s up to you.
What To Do Afterwards
This is where most men screw up big time. The day after is the perfect time to establish who you are as a person. Yet, many men don’t call, email or do whatever they claim they were going to do.
When you’re dealing with women be consistent. If you say you’re going to do something do it. If you can’t do it then at least call and let them know.
For example, if you said you will call at a certain time but realize you can’t then call earlier and let her know. If you know her email address send a quick email too! Those little things will help you standout from the rest.
Remember earlier I mentioned most women are looking to have fun? Well, the second date should be one where you two could laugh i.e., comedy club, funny movie or play a fun board game.
If there is a connection between you two try not to move too fast. Take your time, try not to talk too much on the phone. Try not to see each other too much. Eventually, the newness of the relationship will begin to wear off and you’ll get back to your normal habits.
This is when reality kicks in and you start seeing things you never noticed before. Why go through that? Just be yourself from the start and everything will work itself out.
Always remember when it comes to relationships and dating time is your friend not your enemy. So make sure to take your time.
What I just covered is a simple yet powerful way to get just about any woman you desire. To be honest, I wrote this for the nice, shy and good guys. If you don’t fit the profile of a nice, shy or good guy this report probably won’t make sense to you. You won’t have the relevant experiences to fully comprehend the ideas and concepts presented.
You will say, “This is too simple. It won’t work. Why did I bother to download this stupid thing?” By all means continue to think those thoughts. That leaves more women for my friend and I along with the other nice guys out there.
And by the time you figure out what’s really going on, the good women will be snatched up by the nice, shy and good guys. You will be left with women who might not meet your needs.
I’ll give you another benefit of using this report. You can have some of the most beautiful women attached to your arm when you go out on the town! Many of them are home alone waiting for a nice guy like you. All you have to do is be sincere, be their friend, hold a decent conversation, pursue your goals and treat them with respect. And don’t forget to be a little unpredictable.
I make it sound so easy don’t I? Well it is! Just know when you apply the information in this report you will only attract “real” and “good” independent women who have something to offer you. And you better be ready to reciprocate. If you’re a slouch I feel for you! Your feelings will get hurt!
I know you’re probably wondering, “What about the other women who are not real and good?” They may be several of the women you select. Yet, being their friend first will allow you to see if they have major issues and problems that you may not want to deal with.
Too often nice, shy and good guys have self-esteem issues and pick women with problems so they can be their saviors. Unfortunately, you get yourself in a relationship with a woman you shouldn’t be in. Some women may be too needy, have emotional issues, baby daddy drama, family issues, are seriously confused and much more.
I cannot stress the importance of being friends with women before you consider seriously dating them. If you forget everything in this report do not forget that. It will save you from wasting a tremendous amount of your time and money!
Two more things before I end this report. It’s important you have a life outside of your lady. While women love attention they also like their space and time for themselves.
Being a nice, shy or good guy doesn’t give you permission to smother woman. If you are unable to give the space needed then don’t bother to use the information in this report. It will not work for you.
That’s why the first requirement is to become a woman’s friend so you can discover as much as you can about her and how compatible you are with her. You must be honest with yourself, know what you need and want before you can identify if a woman is the one for you.
Without that information you will continue to fail in your attempt to find a woman. Like I said earlier, get yourself together and prepared for the opportunity to meet the woman of your dreams. If you ignore working on you, women will enter and leave your life like people entering and leaving an office building through a revolving door.
Second, I know many women will take offense to me stating, “…around 30 years of age most women desire to settle down, get married and have kids.” I don’t mean it to sound like it’s an omen or something bad. It’s just a common occurrence among many women.
Just like when women go through menopause around a certain age. However, based on my experience more than 85% of women will fit the profile I outlined above.
Sure, you will have many independent and career-oriented women who don’t desire those things. Yet, one cannot deny the fact that the majority of women want to experience life with that special someone.
When you understand this and possess the qualities women desire whether you are a nice guy, shy guy, good guy or not a good guy, women will want to learn more about you. And that is the key…they will wan to learn more about you.
So you see it really doesn’t matter if you’re a nice guy, shy guy or good guy. What matters is how you treat a woman, what are your motives, how compatible are you with her, do you meet her needs, can you hold a decent conversation and did you work on your issues before you got involve with her.
Be you, get women interested, keep them interested, be honest, grow as a person and continue to enjoy each others company. It’s really that easy!
I wish you much success in your pursuit of the perfect woman for you!
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
How Nice, Shy and Good Guys Finish First is a product of
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Shawn is an Adjunct Professor at two colleges in New York City. He is the founder of http://www.mrgoodman.com, a web site that provides relationship advice, tips, insights and ideas for women and men.
Mr. Nelson is a Motivational Speaker and Life Counselor who creates and publish electronic guides and electronic courses to help people achieve their life, relationship, personal and professional goals.