How To Use This Guide
The best advice I can give you is to read everything over once. If you can, do it in one sitting, then re read it again. Then, read the sections again that you are not sure about, and if you can, get someone else to read it as well, and both of you make notes.
There are plenty of website links in this book so it probably is best to read this book while you are online so you can see exactly what I’m talking about through out the book.
What This Guide Is About And Who It’s For
I hope by the time you finish this book you will realise just how powerful this information is. This is not some rehashed dating manual which spews out bad information that will HURT your chances of dating successfully.
This book isn’t written by a prolific writer who’s job it is to churn out books by the dozen which he has no expertise on, it’s written by a guy who struggled for years to realise exactly what it is that turns women on and off.
This book is for all the guys out there who are sick of being told “I just want to be friends” or “you’re a really nice guy but It’s just not the right time in my life for a relationship” and about one hundred other excuses I’ve heard over and over again.
This book doesn’t just cover Internet dating, it covers all the aspects of what make men successful with women.
Internet dating has made meeting beautiful women so much easier, hence why I’ve been using it for the last 2 years with great success.
Chapter 1 – Why Internet Dating?
I get asked this question all the time. Why use Internet dating over any other method of meeting women?
I mean, there are hundreds of ways to meet women and they are all great and have their advantages.
Offline dating agencies
In bars and nightclubs
Taking courses at local colleges
And the list goes on and on…..
Internet dating is KING and here is why.
It’s simple to use
There are thousands of women in your area now online
And the biggest reason of all, IT’S A GREAT PLACE TO LEARN WITHOUT THE FEAR OF FACE TO FACE REJECTION!
Like it or not, rejection is part of the dating process, even the hottest most successful guys with dating get rejected more times then they hear a yes.
In someways dating is a numbers game, but most men have TERRIBLE odds when it comes to dating. My job in this book is to lower the odds for you and make you more successful with the type of women you want to date…..
and I know you’re busy, that’s why Internet dating is great. Put up a profile, tweak it a bit until it sounds good and away you go. It’s your own automated dating machine thats up 24/7 attracting women around the clock.
You don’t have to be attractive, rich or anything like that. In fact, the guys I know who are most successful with women don’t have a lot of money and they are just average looking men, nothing special about them, except they know what women want, they behave and hold themselves in ways women find attractive.
I’m a skinny guy, bout 6’3, by no means ugly, but by no means a bulging muscle bound model.
I’ve always been a little shy, which is fine, always been a little awkward in social situations, never had much confidence in myself around women.
I had NO luck with dating. When I was 16 I got lucky and landed a girlfriend, and we were together for 3 years, but after that, I went 3 years without even 1 date. Partly because I was consumed with work and partly because I was turning women off with the way I acted around them.
But about 2 years ago I got fed up with being dateless and looking around and seeing UGLY guys with girlfriends and in most cases HOT girls. I thought if these guys are meeting these women and they’re not rich, successful or even good looking, I must be doing something wrong.
What these guys had that I didn’t have was the right attitude, the right frame of mind, and I get into this in the next chapter.
So I learned everything I could about women, psychology, what makes women attracted to certain types of guys and I even read a book called “sperm wars” which is all about evolution.
I now am able to meet, talk to and date beautiful women like it’s the easiest thing in the world to do, and the only thing that changed about me was my attitude and the skills and knowledge I learnt from making lots of mistakes.
I didn’t get more attractive, I didn’t become mega rich, I just learnt to be what women want.
Chapter 2 – Step 1: Understanding The Law Of Attraction!
For women attraction isn’t a choice, they either feel it for you or they don’t, it’s that simple. If a woman doesn’t feel attraction for you from the start, they more then likely never will.
You cannot convince a woman to feel attraction for you. Let me explain,
Just because you’re rich, attractive, successful, drive a nice car, take her to fancy dinners, buy her expensive things, that won’t make her feel attraction for you.
I know, it’s not logical I get it, but women don’t choose mates on logic. They might say they do, but they don’t.
Women choose mates by their level of attraction they have for them (unless they are money hungry women after you for only your wallet) and not for what you can give them in return.
Men seem to think bribing women with gifts will make them fall in love with you, but it has the total opposite effect, women see this as you needing their approval because you don’t think you are worthy enough to date them without having to buy them things in return.
Why do you think so many women get into relationships with bad boys who treat them terribly? Because these guys trigger an attraction inside these women. It’s not logical, I know, but it’s a fact.
I’m not saying you have to treat women terribly to make them feel attraction for you, but you don’t have to cater to a womans every need.
Women would rather date a poor guy with no money who’s charming, funny, cocky and just a fun date then a guy who’s rich, buys them things and is stuffy and boring.
Women want what women want and you can either be what they want or be what they don’t want, it’s your choice.
This book isn’t about changing you to suit women, it’s about showing you that you don’t need to do all these things to make women attracted to you, you don’t need to bribe them, you don’t need to stress if one woman doesn’t like you, this is your life, you choose who you date, not the other way around.
What Qualities Do Women Find Attractive In Men?
Women when asked will say they want a nice guy who treats them like a pricness and pretty much has no balls of his own. They like the idea of getting flowers and having a sensitive guy to talk to about their problems.
All women will tell you they want to date the nice guy or that they can never seem to find a nice guy to date.
The problem is, this isn’t exactly correct. These women arn’t lying when they say they want these things…. on the surface they do, because it makes sense, it makes sense to want a guy like this, but on a subconscious level, they really want a man who takes control and acts like a man should
So what qualities do women want in men?
What they’ve always wanted and always will want. Women want their men to be men and not wussy boys who ask for approval to scratch their noses.
I know this sounds harsh, but it’s true.
Have you ever noticed the following?
When you give a girl a compliment or tell a girl how beautiful she is, she’s shying away from you?
When you notice a flaw about her she will get more involved in the conversation and take you more seriously.
Have you ever noticed….
When you buy girls gifts and take them to expensive dinners they end up later that night thanking you for a great evening and going out with another guy?
If you just go for a quick drink and act like you are equals she feels attracted to you because you’re not catering to her every whim.
Have you noticed when….
You call a girl often after a date and she seems distant and funny
When you don’t call her and you act like you’re busy and could live with her or without her, she won’t stop calling you.
WOMEN DON’T WANT TO BE CATERED TO, HOUNDED, TREATED LIKE PRINCESSES OR ANY OTHER RUBBISH YOUR MOTHER TOLD YOU ABOUT DATING.
This is from my experience what women want from a man…..
They Want You To Be Confident
They Want You To Lead
They Don’t Want You To Get Emotional
They Want You To Be Fun With No Hang Ups
They Want You To Make Them Laugh
They Want You To Make Them Wonder
They Want You To Be Interesting
They Want You To Know What You Want From Life
Hard And Fasting Dating Rules You Must Follow At All Times – The Right Attitude To Have Towards Women, Dating And Life!
This whole section is some of the most powerful information you will ever read, not just about dating but about life in general.
When your life is going to plan, you feel confident and when you feel confident, you exude a persona that naturally attracts people and makes them want to be around you. No one likes dating a sad sack.
These rules are what I live my life by and were written by me for me, I never thought I would share these rules with anyone except maybe my future children.
Rule 1: Always be confident in yourself – MAIN RULE!
People who have real confidence in themselves attract people naturally. People can tell when you are confident with yourself and where you are going with your life.
If you’re not confident in yourself, why? Is it because you have no money? Is it because you think you’re overweight or ugly?
All of this can be overcome with confidence. Honestly, girls (girls we want to date) don’t care a lot about these things. Of course, if you are really over weight and you have bad teeth and you dress like a hobo, change yourself.
It’s that simple. If you want to be sucessful with women, you can’t hide behind excuses to fail.
I know a lot of men who arn’t rich and arn’t good looking who are very successful with women because they act like they are good looking and they are rich, they act in ways that make men and women naturally attracted to them.
A happy go lucky guy who smiles a lot will get x10 the amount of attention as a sad sack sitting in the corner no matter how hot or rich he is.
Be happy with yourself, but if there is something holding you back from being a more outgoing person, fix it.
I had a large mole on my face and while no women seemed to care about it, it made me feel self-conscious and I didn’t feel confident in my looks, so I got it removed.
The only real different I see now is not in my looks but in my personality. I feel better about MYSELF and I did it for MYSELF, I didn’t do it for woman’s approval, I did it because I wanted to be more outgoing and feel better about myself.
Rule 2: Relax – be totally calm – act like u don’t need her
As you can tell these rules are not in any particular order but when you first start dating someone, act calm, be cool.
Especially on the first date, be cool. Don’t be nervous, don’t get all excited and act like a goof.
Don’t act desperate around women, just be yourself and not worry about the outcome, dating should be fun!
Rule 3: Be Cocky and Funny – be outgoing and have fun AND BE FUN TO BE AROUND – be charming/gentleman
You will hear me talk about being cocky and funny a lot in this book, it’s something I learned from another dating book
Being cocky to me means not being afraid to joke around with women. Men are so scared to be themselves around women that they act all uptight and nervous and are not sure what to say.
Don’t worry about. Most men by nature are not big mouth arrogant SOB’s, so just say what’s on your mind.
Talking about sex and other taboo subjects is FINE. Teasing a girl lightly is fine, as long as it’s funny and a little bit cocky.
Be the fun guy to hang around, make dating fun for you and her.
Rule 4: Don’t get emotional even if the woman does – women will test you – nothing to be insecure about
This rule IS SO IMPORTANT when you start dating someone more seriously. I made this mistake a couple of times early on and the relationships ended pretty soon after.
If a woman says something to you that makes you feel nervous, angry, upset and you feel like you’re going to get overly emotional and say something you will regret, FOR THE GOOD OF YOUR SANITY, Don’t say anything.
It’s a lot easier to say nothing then it is to take something stupid back. Think before you speak. Women will always do this. Women will blame you for things that are not your fault, things will happen in their lives that make them emotional, you’re job is to stay calm.
I’ll give you a personal example. I started dating a girl I REALLY liked, but a couple of weeks into the relationship, she told me she was pregnant and she wasn’t sure who the father was, because before she started dating me, she was seeing two other guys.
I freaked out, and you probably think, well rightly so, and it was probably for the best things ended, but, breaking up with someone is better when you’re the one breaking up with the girl
I know this sounds childish, but it’s true. It’s a mental thing. Being dumped is a horrible feeling and take’s longer to get over.
Rule 5: Lead in the relationship – Always be a man – IE Dad – say things like “you do what you wanna do”
Girls like a guy who will lead in the relationship. I don’t mean bossy, I mean lead. It’s a manly thing to do.
When a woman asks what you want to do, don’t reply back, “I dunno, what do you want to do”, take the bull by the horn’s and make a decision. I know it’s a bit of a pain to be the one who does this all the time, but it really works.
I also added a part about my dad in this rule. He is one of those old fashioned type of guy’s, always leads, makes executive decisions. He isn’t wishy-washy.
Also, when women throw things at you that you’re not expecting, never over react, I touched on this just before, and I’m going to again.
If a girl says she’s going out with male friends, or seeing an ex boyfriend, don’t flip your lid, this is the quickest way to push her away.
Just say things like, “you do what you wanna do”, “it’s your life, I’m not your father, have fun”. Saying things like this make you sound confident in yourself and don’t really care what she does.
Begging her not to go and doing all sorts of crazy things guys do will push her away for good.
Rule 6: Live an active and full life – you come first – plenty of fish in the sea – Always keep busy
Most of you are probably thinking how am I going to remember all these things, and you’re not suppose to really. Use them all, or use just a few, refer to them often and they will sink in over time.
But if you only remember one dating rule, this is it.
Always keep busy! Never make too much time for a girl when you first start dating. All the other rules will fall into place if you just follow this one.
When you’re sitting at home with nothing to do, you will be tempted to want to ring any girl you’re dating too much and you will become too available.
If she’s says lets make plans for Tuesday, say no you’re busy, how about Wednesday.
Get a hobby, play a sport, go out more with your friends and if you don’t have any friends, make some!
Keep your mind busy and everything else will fall into place because you will be too busy with your life to care what she is doing. She will be just a nice little extra in your life, not your whole life!
Keep busy guys!
Rule 7: Don’t rush the dating process – build the mystery – forcing repels attraction
Again, this goes with keeping busy. Never see a girl more then twice a week for at least the first 10 to 20 dates. Seriously. I know you will want to spend all your time with someone if you think she’s the one, but, you need to build the attraction, not force it.
This way is best for both of you. I feel most guys will settle for a girl because she wants a relationship, even tho she might not be the girl for him.
Take your time, have fun, date multiple women, it’s okay.
Rule 8: Let things go, the past is the past – but always tell it as it is – no hangups!
Every one has a past, and if I’ve made any mistake too much, its this one. You have to accept people for who they are, if you really like someone, leave the past where it belongs, in the past.
We all have baggage. Of course, there are limits.
Rule 9: Don’t write sappy emails ever, never write anything because of fear or insecurity
What is it with guys and writing sappy letters or emails when they feel like they are losing the girl or have lost the girl.
If a girl breaks up with you, let it go, move on with your life, start dating again and you will find this will bring back love quicker then a sappy email professing your undying love for the girl.
Think before you speak, think before you type!
Rule 10: Girls find a guy hot when he has a plan for life – you know, I told a girlfriend about my dreams for life
I don’t know what it is, but when your talking about something your passionate about, people are naturally attracted to you.
I use to date a girl who played guitar and she was so passionate about it, it was a real turn on. She knew what she wanted to be and I found that sexy.
Same thing applies to men. I tell girls about my dream of running the largest publishing company in the world one day and girls find my passion and that idea really attractive.
Rule 11: Don’t apologise for the sake of apologising – Don’t apologise if you’ve done nothing wrong
This is a real turn off for women. Guys have a habit of apologising for girls bad behaviours and it’s not on.
Women see this as a sign of weakness. If a girl is doing something or saying something you don’t like, tell her that. If she’s acting bratty, tell her that.
Don’t put up with moody behavior just because she thinks you deserve to be treated that way, you don’t.
Rule 12: First Date Advice – Lean Back Relax Don’t Be Nervous, Be Confident, Funny, Cocky, But Don’t Take It Too Far!
I must admit, one date I did take the cocky and funny routine a bit far and probably was a bit more relaxed then I should have been and I came across very arrogant and sarcastic.
Arrogance is a huge turn off and there is a fine line between that and cocky and funny.
Rule 13: No matter how funny or cocky you are, treat sex with respect. If you do have sex with a girl, make it special, like she’s the only one that matters.
Rule 14: Dress well, but don’t over do it!
Rule 1: Exercise often – 100 situps, 100 pushups, running, work on arms
Girls don’t care if you’re not buff, but looks are important too. Take care of your body if for no one else but yourself.
I do 100 situps, 100 pushups every day. I do a light weight session focusing on building bigger arms and chest muscles. I also run 3 times a week. This is a perfect workout that takes very little time out of your week and will make you look and feel a lot better inside and out, I guarantee it!
Rule 2: Never let anything or anyone overwhelm my emotions to the point of incapacitation
Nothing in life is worth letting your life go down the drains for. If something bad happens, pick yourself up, don’t stop working or letting your finances suffer.
Rule 3: Be Independent always
Rule 4: Always keep learning new things and travel
Read lots, watch documentaries, take courses and travel all you can. You’ll thank me for this advice one day.
Rule 5: Always have fun always have a positive attitude – everything will be ok
Rule 6: Every day or when you feel stressed sit silent for 30 minutes and think about nothing just relax
Rule 7: Don’t let little things rattle you – never over react
Life is full of little surprises, just like dating, but let them rattle you, just keep going on with your life like nothing happened.
He who angers you becomes your master.
Rule 8: Create a life’s to do list and follow thru with it completely and systematically
This is something you must do. Everyone has goals for life, I don’t care if it’s only 4 things, write them down and check them off.
I have close to 100 things I want to do before I do, like learn to speak German, go to Oktoberfest, things like that.
I also have more serious things like, Run the largest publishing company in the world, which I still quite haven’t checked off yet ;)
Rule 9: Set high goals and standards for your life and never let anyone compromise them
Rule 10: Always have an open mind and don’t be judgemental
Rule 11: Don’t Get Moody With People! – Just Relax!
Nothing lowers the level of conversation more than raising the voice.
Rule 12: You Miss 100% Of The Shots You Don’t Take!
It’s Alright To Have Faults And Be Yourself – You Have My Permission To Make Mistakes
Like I said in the above section, I’ve made mistakes before and at the time I thought I was the biggest idiot, but it’s all a part of learning how to be successful with women.
No one is perfect and it’s ok to have quirky little habits, no woman expects you to be perfect or a dating robot that knows exactly what to do at all times.
The main thing is to make sure it doesn’t get you down and you don’t stop trying if you have a bad experience. Every woman isn’t going to like you and vice versa, but….
You miss 100% of all shots you don’t take!
Chapter 3 – Step 2
Find 3 Online Dating Sites To Put Your Online Profile On
There are THOUSANDS of online dating sites out there, so what one’s best for you?
For starters, the best idea is to cast a wide net and put your profile on at least 3 online dating sites.
What I’ve been doing recently is I’ve been putting my profile on 2 large online dating sites and one niche dating site.
For instance right now I’m using Match.com, Yahoo personals and RSVP.com.au which is a smaller Australian Internet dating site.
I usually get a lot more of the women I like and that are closer to me by using the niche online dating site, but I get the bulk of my dates from women on Match.com and Yahoo personals.
So what sites should you be using?
I really recommend you use Match.com as one of your choices.
Here are a list of online dating sites I recommend trying.
Eharmony.com – Do the questionaire!
Chapter 4 – Step 3
How To Write A Killer Online Profile With Samples!
The MOST IMPORTANT aspect of any successful Internet dating venture is your online profile. Personally, I use 2 profiles to attract dates.
The bad boy profile which attracts a certain more wilder person, and the nice guy profile that attracts the nice girls you would be proud to bring home to mother.
Feel free to steal and change these profiles. What ever you do, don’t just copy them as they are, it would look stupid seeing hundreds of profiles online exactly the same, and besides, you really should put your own personality into it, as this profile is about you and not about me.
Of course, you can use them as is if you want, but you will get better results if you tweak them to suit your personality.
If you are the more cocky and confident person, use the “bad boy” profile, but make sure you are the same person online as you are offline or it will be a waste of time.
You must also have a photo on your profile! If they give you room to put up more then one photo, don’t do it, just put one good photo up of you.
The Bad Boy Profile
Intro: Top 10 ways to scare any guy off, including me, inside
Music: Dance, trance, house, you know what I’m talking about. Ministry of sound etc. I also watch Video Hits, so you can rest assure that I’m up to date with every new rappers name and criminal record.
Reading: I read anything I can get my hands on. I run a publishing company, so I get paid to read.
Movies: Comedies! Love a good comedy. Teen comedies. Anything with breasts. Also anything set in the 18th and 19th century like Hornblower, Napoleon and boring crap like that. James bond!
Sport: I play professional cricket and basketball/league for fun. Like extreme sports and paintball. No, not laser skirmish, ugh. Yes, I’m going to list going to the gym because I ACTUALLY do it.
Other interests: Sitting in my hottub looking out over the city listening to dance music. Love to travel, spent 6 months living in Spain and 2 years living in Perth. Cars, imports (supra’s!) and SUV’s.
10. Tell him that he looks like your father
9. Tell him that he looks like your mother
8. Talk about your doll collection in third person
7. Talk about your recent hernia operation
6. Showing him the hernia in a jar
5. Confessing your love for hitler on the first date. You should wait at least 2 or 3 dates for that one.
4. Talk about your co workers annoying habits while pinching food off his plate.
3. Talk about children and marriage on the first date.
2. Say you look nothing like your photo after you sent him a photo of imogen bailey
1. Last but not least, never say “I’ve seen bigger” about any part of his body
Now if you promise not to talk about these things send me an email. Be warned I’m not looking for pen pals. I’m too much fun to be around to just leave it at writing emails.
Next week I’ll list the top 10 things guys don’t want to hear women say, including my favorite, “That’s not the way my ex did it”.
Relationship sought: Short-term or Long-term Relationship with a Female
Between 18 and 45 years old
Incredibly intelligent and amazingly beautiful. Someone who finds my jokes funny is a plus. No stalkers or clingy people please, I’m not sure what I’m looking for, but I know its not that. Someone who believes anything in life is possible, because it is!
The Nice Guy Profile
Intro: New to the scene…..
Music: Most types, whatever is good at the time
Reading: Horror, Drama
Movies: Horror, Comedy, Drama
Sport: Swimming, Tennis, Rugby
Other interests: Art
I’m an easy going nice guy, trying to find the right person, I enjoy intellectual conversations, late night beach walks, clubbing, music of most types, reading, tennis and swimming, among other things. Love pets, dogs and cats mainly, so you would need to be an animal lover.
I might party hard, but I also enjoy quiet nights at home watching a DVD, or doing things that couples do in their own private space.
With that said, I’m the type of guy of both extremes, so finding someone willing to spend quality time with has been more difficult then first thought, hence signing up with this site, hopefully it works out well???
Relationship sought: Short-term or Long-term Relationship with a Male or Female
Between 18 and 35 years old
I’m looking for someone who is understanding, uses common sense, someone who is confident in themself and knows where they’re going in life, and are happy with that direction. Age doesn’t mean that much to me, as long as there is a connection, building rapport between one another is important.
A Profile For The Older Gent Or Men Who Want To Attract Younger Women
Intro: A stick insect walks into a bar…
Music: club mixes, trance, ministry of sound stuff and old stuff , rolling stones, acdc, 80’s. Fav track at the moment is scott bond vs solarstone 3rd earth remix.
Reading: yes, i can read. that’s why i buy those magazines, for the articles. Not the pictures, i swear.
Movies: lord of the rings trilogy, matrix..first two, third was…disappointing. arthouse. subtitles don’t scare me and we’ve already established that i can read. Currently hooked on Asian martial arts movies tho the only thing i know about ‘kung fu’ is how to spell it.
Sport: Not so much sport as fitness, gym, bike, run, kayak, ill have a go at most things. Also follow motorsport (mostly bikes) and golf. And, in a reversal of male / female stereotypes, you go to the footy, I’ll stay home and watch the grass grow.
Other interests: many and varied. you should ask me.
I figure talking to yourself is acceptable but talking to yourself in a pirates voice probably isn’t. I started doing that today and i figure i need to get out more and meet some people before i topple over the brink into complete madness. Don’t be alarmed thou, all the sharp utensils are under lock and key.
OK, i realise this profile tends more toward the humourous rather than the serious which i guess is indicative of my personality so here are some details which might help to round out the picture.
I work as a paid firefighter, a job i love and have been doing for over 155 years. Days off are spent keeping fit, reading, going to the movies, riding bikes…both mountain and motor and, of course, looking for my favourite hat.
I have a large family whom i see fairly often but not often enough. I grew up in the country (or should i say i got older in the country) but, after 20 years in melbourne, any trace of the “country boy” is well and truely gone.
Whilst I have your attention, can you please be who, and what, you say you are in your profile.
Between 25 and 42 years old , at most 5’7″/170 cm from AUSTRALIA
Hmmmmmm, Fit, fun, confident, adventurous, young or young at heart and can tell me where i left my favourite hat. It’s gotta be around here somewhere. Oh, on the off chance you do feel sufficiently inspired to send me a kiss, please include your photo password if applicable ;-)
Chapter 5 – Step 4: Learn To Write Effective Email Followups
Ok, so you’re online, you’re searching for profiles of other women and you find a few you want to email, what next?
The first email is crucial. You have to remember, women are getting sometimes hundreds of emails a day, so you have to stand out straight away!
Just like in marketing, your headline should be
The best way to do this is to mention something about her profile in your headline. I’ve made the mistake of writing things like “hey there” in the subject heading and it’s really not a good idea.
If in the photo she puts on her profile, she’s wearing something unique comment on it.
Example Subject Headings
Where did you get that necklace from?
I don’t think you’re going to like me….
That top you are wearing is….
You’re lucky I emailed you!
Things like that get a womans attention when she’s reading her email.
Thats the first mistake most people make, the second one is they write too much in their first email! They write a whole life story. Just keep it short and sweet.
Here is an example first email I use.
If you want to have an enthralling chat/get to know me better my msn address is email@example.com so that’s the place to do it, or even better, over a crownie or 3 :) I live in Robertson, near sunnybank plaza/garden city.
I’m off to try and find a place that does a decent oysters kilpatrick, so have a good night.
your name, your profile id name
P.S. make a funny comment here about her profile/suggest if she doesn’t have msn to either download it or buy you a beer and meet up instead.
Notice I don’t try and get an email relationship happening, you need to hook your date quickly.
You need to get from one step to the other quickly.
If she emails you back and says she doesn’t have msn or any instant chat device, ask her for her phone number.
It’s that simple. Don’t become email buddies!
Chapter 6 – Step 5: Learn How To Use Instant Messaging With Success
Ok, so you’ve got the girl on msn or ICQ or whatever you want to use, what next?
Chatting online is the best way to work on chatting to women without the fear of being nervous or making a fool of yourself in public. Just have fun and go with the flow.
Don’t bog the conversation down with general chit chat. Talking about the weather, what she does for a living are things you can talk about when you’re dating.
The idea of chatting online is to get the girls phone number and move to the next step.
Here is a sample conversation I had with a girl very recently after moving her from email to msn….
Me: hey stinky, how goes it
Her: I do no stink
Her: I’m good, feelin better
Her: And u?
Me: Much better
Me: So when are you going to buy me that beer?
Me: I’m busy this weekend and I want to make sure you are completely over your cold so you don’t infect me by sitting to close to me.
Her: hahah, I won’t infect you promise!
Me: Give me your mobile # and I’ll give you a call when I’m not busy, I want to make sure you’re really not a 59 year old man, who’s overweight.
Her: Oh yah, because being overweight would make all the difference.
Me: Stop stalling and give me the digits…. :P
Her: Ok, (number here), just don’t stalk me.
Me: No worries about that, it’s my week off. Ne way, gotta run, I’ll ring you when I’m free.
And that is how it’s done my friends.
Chapter 7 – Step 6: Learn How To Use The Phone With Success
93% of all communication is done with your voice tone and body language. If you ring up a woman asking for a date and you sound like mickey mouse and are all nervous, you’ve blown it straight away, no questions asked.
Again, the idea of using the phone is to get the date, not to have a general chit chat. Most guys have this habit of speaking for ages on the phone and not getting to the point.
Before you ring, think about what you are going to say, how you are going to say it and what you are going to say if she throws a curve ball at you.
Go into the phone call with a plan, think about what you are going to say and you will be fine.
Too many people fear confrontation, just ask for the date and if she says no, she says no, just move on.
If you don’t get a returned call you should probably move on, happy that you didn’t waste another moment with a rude jerk.
If, on the other hand you’re the adventurous type, you can try this. Call the person up, but don’t leave messages on their answering machine or voice mail. Wait for the person to answer.
Just so you know, phones these days usually tell people who has called, hungup, when and how many times, so please dont ring 50 times a day, because more then likely they will know you were doing it and it looks a bit stalkerish.
If after you called a few times over a few days and no one picks up, leave a short, funny message about not being able to get a hold of her and she can ring you back.
Chapter 8 – Step 7: Meet Up For The First Time And Be Confident!
So you’ve got the date but you have no idea where you are going to go on your first date?
The best date in my opinion goes as follows.
You ring up the girl, tell her to meet you at your favorite cafe or bar for a quick drink. Chat for an hour or so, call it a night, go home.
That’s what works for me and for every guy I know who is good with dating.
Guys try and impress to hard on first dates and take them to the most expensive restaurants and buy them fancy dinners.
If end up spending more then $20 on a date, its too much. I can remember the best date of my life I brought 2 beers and she brought a wine and that was it.
We chatted for an hour or so, I ended the night and went home.
Make sure you never let your first dates go for too long, I never let them go over 2 hours and most only last an hour or so.
It’s not about how long you spend on the date or how much money you spend, its about the impression you leave on the girl.
If you are funny and confident and the girl has a blast, all you need is an hour.
Yes, I’ve taken girls home after a first date like this, but I don’t recommend it.
Like I said in the previous chapter, body language and voice tone are so important when dating. You want to speak with confidence, walk with confidence and BE confident.
Here are a few tips I use.
– Do everything slowly
What I mean by that is don’t look like your panicked or in a rush. Make every movement deliberate and cool.
– Walk slowly and upright
When you’re walking, always walk with your shoulders back and slowly. Stand upright with good posture and stick your chest out and look around like you own the place.
– When sitting, lean back in your chair
Don’t lean right forward and smother the girl, give her space, lean right back and look like you’re too comfortable.
– Maintain eye contact and never mumble
Always look at her in the eyes when you’re talking and never mumble or cover your mouth when you speak.
Here are more date ideas if you must do something other then a quick drink
Take a drive down to the beach and walk and talk. It’s a cheap date and a good way to find out about the other person.
Ring up your local pool hall, find out when its the quietest and go have a game of pool together.
Go to mini golf. The beauty of mini golf is there will be a lot of other couples around as well and families, so it makes for a comfortable setting.
Take your date to a concert. If you’ve been friends with this person for a while, you’ll know what he or she likes and you can work on that. If you don’t know the person well,
Take your date on a picnic by the water. Make sure there are plenty of rest rooms and shelter around just in case.
Go to the casino. This is not everyone’s cup of tea, but what could be more exciting then winning big. They will never forget it.
Go go-karting. This is a great way to find out if your date will try just about anything once.
Take your date golfing. Find a local golf course that caters to beginners and do only 9 holes.
Go to the golf driving range. This is probably a better idea then golfing, it’s cheaper, shorter in time and more fun.
Have your palms read. Most women find this sort of thing very interesting.
Take a limo ride around the city. To find the best deals, use the Internet to find local companies with websites.
Go to a roof top or revolving restaurant. Eating outdoors always makes things more memorable, just remember to make a booking first.
Go to a day spa together and get a massage. Go on the Internet to find the best deals.
Go hot air balooning. Probably not the ideal first date as it’s a little expensive and hot air balooning is done very early in the morning.
Go on a lunch date. Perfect idea if you work together, just make sure your date knows it’s a date and not a friendly outing.
Go to a local museum. The most popular types of museums are the interactive types, with displays, not things like art galleries.
If your date is the sporting type, take her to a local sporting event. You could even go to a college game.
If you know how to ride a motorbike, take your date for a ride somewhere scenic or at nightime in the city.
Go to the batting cages. Not everyone’s idea of a great date, but you’ll soon find out if your date is easy going or high matainence.
Frisbee golf is another date idea that will certainly tell you what type of person you are dating. If you are not sure what frisbee golf is, go to google.com and look it up, it’s a lot of fun.
Go to your local jazz club and relax. Everyone loves jazz.
Go to the zoo. Most zoo’s have nigh time exhibits or exhibits out of the norm for people to see.
Go to the local fair. Every year we have a local fair where I live that has show bags, rides etc.
Getting up early and going to the flea markets is a very cheap and fun date. If you are not big on sitting down and talking, this is the date for you.
Take your date for dinner on the boardwalk. Very romantic!
Chapter 9 – Step 8: Control The Pace Of The Relationship
Girls have a tendency to be their own worst enemy when it comes to killing attraction. If a girl had a really great time with you, she will ring you constantly, but it’s your job as the man to control the relationship.
You don’t have to pick up the phone everytime she rings you know.
Talking to each other constantly will ruin the attraction when you first start dating.
Here is what I do after a good date.
I ring her the next day, tell her I had a great, hope she did too, make some sort of funny comment, and go, “well, I gotta go, I’m pretty busy, so have fun, bye”.
As you noticed, I didn’t ask for a second date straight off the bat. I want her wondering about me for a while, building anticipation. I don’t want to come across as needy and desperate.
Don’t text her, don’t email her, don’t talk to her on msn, icq and don’t ring her for a few days, then out of the blue, ask her for a second date.
If she rings you, you can pick up and go I’m kinda busy right now, and can’t talk, so why don’t we meet up, Tuesday next week at this place.
She basically did the asking out for you by ringing back and you don’t come off as needy and desperate because you make it look like it was her idea!
Never see a girl more then 2 times a week when you are first dating for the first few months and you should be dating other women.
Chapter 10 – Step 9: Date Multiple Women
Most men think that dating multiple women at the same time is a wrong thing to do and it’s cheating. They couldn’t be farther from the truth my friend.
Men think this because women have told them that guys who date other girls at the same time are scum, yet they continue to date them….
I’m not talking about sleeping with millions of women every week, I’m talking about going out and having fun and meeting new people in a friendly enviroment.
If a woman says after a few dates, I think we should date exclusively, you have to ask yourself if that’s what you want, do you want a relationship, because that is pretty much what she is asking.
Just be honest with everyone you date from day one and there will be no problems what so ever if you want to date multiple women at the same time.
Just don’t cheat on someone if you said you would date them exclusively, don’t be a jerk and treat women badly, just be honest and have fun and they will respect you for it.
Bonus Article 1: How To Beat Shyness By Special Guest Author Peter Murphy Of HowToTalkWithConfidence.com
Even the most confident people have situations that cause them to be shy. Even famous personalities and very successful business people experience shyness at times. (if only they knew the best ways to overcome shyness)
Shyness is nothing to be ashamed of and you can overcome it when you learn the right way to go about it. The problem is that you have not been exposed to accurate, proven ways to deal with shyness.
Shyness can be defined as having difficulty creating a rapport with other people. For many people, shyness can mean having a hard time thinking of things to say in a social setting.
For others it can include physical symptoms of apprehension.
For most people, it involves a combination of the two. Social behaviors that come easily to the average person such as smiling, making conversation, maintaining eye contact, and a relaxed posture are extremely difficult for the shy person to achieve.
Making friends and attending social functions may seem like a nightmare to a shy person. No one wants to stand in the corner alone, but a shy person may lack the ability to approach new people.
You can learn how to overcome shyness and build confidence by developing new habits and social skills. Shy people may have to exert a large amount of effort in order to start a conversation or attend a party. Determination is
a key factor in learning how to overcome shyness.
5 Ways To Overcome Shyness:
1. Some of the components of shyness are lack of self-confidence and anxiety around others, difficulty carrying on a conversation, and a lack of knowledge about the expected behavior in social situations.
Shy people can be very intimidated by people in general. Learning how to overcome shyness may seem like an insurmountable task, but help is available to you through several sources.
2. You must first determine why you are shy. There are always underlying reasons for the way a person reacts in certain situations.
Next, try behaving in a confident manner in private and practice until you begin to see results in public. Walk confidently and speak firmly and soon you’ll find yourself behaving the same confident way in social settings.
As ridiculous as it may seem, forcing yourself to act as if you are not shy can be very helpful in learning how to overcome shyness altogether.
3. One way to boost your self-confidence is to always look your best. Looking great makes you feel great and does wonders for your self-esteem.
Reduce your fear of rejection by always imagining the worst outcome possible in every social situation. Then if the outcome is less traumatic than you imagine, you won’t dwell on the rejection near as much. Observing strangers and acquaintances and how they relate to others can be a great tool in learning how to overcome shyness.
4. If you are having difficulty overcoming shyness, join clubs or go to events that interest you. It’s a lot more comfortable to engage in conversations with those who have common interests.
The initial conversation will be much easier since you’ll already have a topic of conversation that interests you both.
5. If you do not have the confidence to approach someone new, then smile and try to be approachable. Most people are receptive to a smile and a friendly face.
You could also consider taking someone that you are comfortable with along to lessen your anxiety. Shy people are extremely reluctant to take the risk of approaching new people.
If you want to learn how to overcome shyness, you may have to make an effort to be outgoing initially, but soon your new habits will become natural and easy.
There are numerous resources available to you if you need help overcoming shyness. Professional advice and tips on how to overcome shyness can be very beneficial if you are having difficulty taking that first step.
A few days back, in the midst of my chaotic holiday shopping excursion, I decided to take refuge in a pleasant nook of the mall. While gathering my thoughts, I was presented with the resonance of a confident woman. Her black leather heeled boots well preceded her appearance.
Once in view, I would guess she was mid-fifties, dressed in form fitting jeans and a flashy, collared blouse. Her boots allowed a couple extra inches on her 5’2” height. She came and went in a flurry with the other holiday shoppers, but her essence lingered on beyond the completion of my rest period. I wondered what beliefs in herself did this woman have to carry herself such an assured manner.
Out of curiosity, how do you feel when you see another woman walking confidently past you? I am sure that you have had privy to a similar scene – she is taking long strides with her shoulders back and chin up as she strolls on down the way.
Sometimes you may think she is attractive (but don’t want to admit it), other times you may think ‘what the heck is she so proud of?’ Does it ever irritate you that another woman might think that she is…as my little sister says…”All That”?
Confidence in one’s appearance does not equate to vanity, nor does it equate to being condescending or arrogant. In fact, confidence is something that we, as moms and aging women, should all indulge in on a frequent basis. When we learn to look into ourselves to find what is right with us, we will begin to find the same steadfast gait within ourselves.
Instead of becoming irritated with those who exude confidence, we will begin to relate to the feeling. To reiterate a popular cliché, when our faces are toward the sunshine, we will not see the shadows. This can be likened to finding happiness within ourselves instead of pointing shameful fingers at unsuspecting passer-bys.
Building confidence can start with achievement. When was the last time you made a goal and stuck to it? I would like to believe that near the top of your list is the ideal of being fit and healthy. Let’s take this one and run with it.
When I wrote Mom Looks Great, I wanted the moms who participated in the fitness program to have the option of this same confident walk as well as many other benefits upon the completion of Phase III, if not throughout the entire process and well into the maintenance stage. I wanted the reader’s kids to notice that their Mom looks great! I wanted ‘dad’ or ‘significant other’ to acknowledge – “Yeah…Mom does looks great!” So what aside from the body does that “looks great” phrase entail?
Looking great is also the spirit within you that transcends your superficial flesh. It is your aura, your charisma and your soul. This is why exercise and nutrition play such a vital role in helping you achieve your goal of looking great.
When you begin a healthy fitness program you begin to look great even before the weight drops and the muscles tone.
When you live this lifestyle, the changes began almost immediately! You will begin to sleep better at night (diminishing dark circles under the eyes), you will have more energy in the following days (gone are the tired grimaces when someone initiates movement) and deep inside your brain, the endorphins are throwing a jubilant celebration (therein lies your improved moods).
This is also what ‘looks great’ has to offer. The resulting weight loss and muscle tonality will come, but long after you already have a shine to your skin and a feel-good smile on your face. Even in these early stages people will begin to notice.
So then what do you do with the flattering comments people begin to give to you? When someone says you look great, do you graciously accept the compliment or do you find an excuse to deflect it? Even in our worst moments, a stray compliment could find its way to us and we need to be prepared to accept it with enthusiasm.
From this day forward, every compliment you receive YOU MUST accept with a smile and a thank you. After reading this article you are no longer allowed to counter compliments with self-putdowns such as “Ugh, [this excuse that you are wrong]” or “Oh, [I know you don’t mean that]”.
Remember that looking great is not always about the perfect body, the sharpest clothes or the healthiest hair. It is how you are perceived by those around you. Take your compliment and use it as a building block to your confidence.
Thinking back to the unknown female with the self-assured walk, how could you attain that same confidence? Begin with keeping your thoughts focused on your goals and the optimism of attaining them.
Follow it up with exercise and nutrition on a consistent basis and top it off with the sheer acceptance of all compliments, whether you feel they are justifiable or not. Feel proud about strutting your self wherever you may be. Sure, some people may feel irritated just like you once may have been, but some will think that mom looks great.
In the end, feel happy for the woman who can convey confidence. You never know the trials she has endured in her life.
Whether she nearly folded from a devastating divorce, endured painful suffering from a terrible disease or even struggled for years to lose a detrimental amount of body fat.
Whatever her story, she finally feels a sense of victory. And, unbeknownst to you, inside she has also probably gained a true inner beauty that is evident only by those who know her well.