Relationship: Forgiveness And Forgetting

We should be willing to forgive just as much as we want to be forgiven.
As the blinding flash of lightening and the rumbling roar of thunder, so it is with surprises and ideas. And especially with our own “ah-ha!” moments!
Isn’t it fascinating how not one of us is absolutely perfect? We have threaded our way through life, doing the best we know how. Sure, we all have weaknesses that get the best of us at times, but for the most part, we really are doing the best we know how. And yet, after all we have done, we still find that we fall short in the consistently perfect department.
So we again refocus our direction, reset our sights on the goals that we have set for ourselves, and step out on our own paths to success. And we should be pursuing all the paths to success that we can possibly handle, because that is the way we also develop our complete potential.
The important thing is that we are willing to acknowledge our mistakes and make course corrections as needed. That is the best we can do. That is the most we can do. Nothing more can be expected of us as we continue threading our pathway through life.
And that is the most we can expect of our partner, too. To make a union work, on the long term, we need to be willing to forgive and forget. Granted, that is not always an easy thing to do. Some things our partners do may sting and hurt us badly. But in the long run, the best thing to do is move onward.
We have the two choices: Stay or leave. Was the offense really bad enough to have to consider the two options? Is the damage done to our hearts really so deep and irrepairable that it can never go away?
Only you can decide the answer to that. Was it really that bad, or are we just unwilling to forgive and forget? Ponder the true gravity of the offense. Keep in mind, that to leave means total life changes, and theydo not always turn out for the best. Sometimes, of course, they can, in the case of leaving a truly abusive situation. But is your partner sincere in their efforts to change? Do their “fruits” prove the pudding?
To forgive and forget means to let it go. We may be justified in being somewhat cautious in our actions, allowing them ample time and space to prove themselves. But we also need to work on the “forgetting” part. That means, simply, that we do not continue to dredge up the past when it seems to support our “position”. We need to truly “let it go”.
Happiness is found in whatsoever places we look for it. The negative paths we follow from time to time will never turn up Joy. Joy and Happiness can only be found on the pathways of forgiveness and forgetting and moving forward with our lives.
Try it out. It may surprise you.
In real life, law rarely forgives any wrong act. In most of the countries law is clear about punishment. We still hear a lot about forgiving in personal relationships. We are told to forgive the major blunders. We are asked to forgive and forget and continue living as if nothing happened. Does that work? To some extent yes, and to some extent no.
Most of us who have been hurt in relationship do not wish to forgive at all. The result is that we suffer from the pain all our life. We are advised to forgive so that at least we can feel peaceful. If we do not forgive, our own peace is lost forever and we suffer. Forgiveness is for us. To forgive does not always mean that the abuser can continue with the same behavior. You need not tell the abuser that you have forgiven him/her. Let them suffer for what they did. But by forgiving in your own mind, you get peace.
Relationship after forgiving – the relationship can never continue at the same level and intensity after any mistake has been made. No amount of forgiveness can ever bring the relation back.
Bringing relationship back – I have said earlier that no relationship will return to the same old level after a major mistake has been committed. This is true. But what if the partners want to bring it back to the old level? How should they proceed? In this case, the abuser should ask for forgiveness again and again. Only after the victim is satisfied, the forgiveness can become effective to the extent that relationship comes back to normal.